Six Tips to Deal with a Heinous Co-Worker

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She talks down to you like you are a child, keeps spreadsheets of your mistakes, withholds vital information from you and blames you for every problem that comes up. Her number 1 goal is to make you look bad. She’s your worst nightmare, a living, breathing she-devil…a truly heinous co-worker.

How do you work with someone who would love to see you fail? You’ve probably already done what any rational person would do: You reassessed your own work style and fixed any problems that might be fueling her rage. You swallowed your pride and tried to win her over with kindness and consistent professionalism. Unfortunately, these tactics aren’t always enough. Here are six tips to help you come out on top.

1. Look at it as a challenge. Instead of viewing your co-worker’s behavior as a personal attack look at it as a challenge. Remember that her deep insecurity and anger has nothing to do with you. Even though she is making you feel like you are the problem, don’t believe it, and don’t take it personally. She probably slept on the couch last night. Avoid her web of anxiety. This is a chance for you to become stronger, better, faster. Put your game face on.

2. Keep your eye on the ball. The petty teammates screaming at each other in frustration never make it to the big leagues. So get in the action and keep your eye on the ball. Look at the bigger picture of your company and your own career trajectory and set specific personal goals for yourself. Decide when and how you will tackle your most important objectives. Knowing your purpose will motivate you to do your best and help you to stay focused on what really matters.



3. Limit your interaction with her. Trying to win over negative personalities is like beating your head against the wall. Don’t waste your energy trying to get her to like you. Avoid prolonged interaction with her by being efficient and prepared. And when she looks at you with icy dagger eyes, take it as a compliment. She is only undermining you because she feels threatened. People are threatened by the strong, not the weak. You can see beyond her manipulative tactics. You have a good thing going, so keep it rolling.

4. Pursue the positive. Use your breaks as a time to refresh and relax with positive people. Avoid venting about your evil co-worker to people you work with (that will only spread her toxic power and taint your other relationships as well). Seek advice from a mentor or friend outside of the office to encourage you and help you find new solutions. Another useful tip is to think of your mind as a safe harbor. You decide what thoughts to dwell on and what to just let go. Seeing the humor in your situation is always a great release too. If things get really weird, just imagine your day as an episode of The Office. It’ll be a great story for later.

5. Stay cool under pressure. This is the ultimate opportunity to learn new coping strategies and anger management techniques. These strategies will help you get through the workday, and they will also prove invaluable in the years to come. Staying calm and positive gives you incredible power and leverage in high-pressure situations. So cultivate your inner Zen. When you feel yourself getting upset, focus on your breathing; this will help you stay calm. Because so much of what you communicate is expressed through your tone of voice and body language, try to keep your voice composed and your body relaxed. If you speak in a steady, calm tone of voice, people are less likely to view you as hostile. Excuse yourself from the room if you feel too overwhelmed. Go to the bathroom or another private space and collect yourself. 

6. Stand up for yourself. You teach other people how to treat you. There may come a time when you have to draw a line in the sand. During a confrontation, remember to always keep it about the job. No matter how tempting it may be, avoid personal attacks. Think twice about making broad generalizations about “the way you are treated.” This is murky, dangerous territory. Pick and choose your battles carefully. If you are being totally misunderstood or blamed for something you didn’t do, you may want to use physical evidence such as e-mails, schedules or calendars to bolster your argument. Keeping the confrontations focused on specific details will minimize the risk of you being perceived as overly sensitive and defensive. The bottom line is you care about doing a good job and want to prevent future misunderstandings or problems.

Contributor: Nicole Williams

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Career expert and best selling author Nicole Williams is re-defining the world of work—making it glamorous, entertaining and relevant to modern women. Williams founded WORKS by Nicole Williams in 2006 with the vision of building the first media and content company focused on career development specifically for the highly dynamic and powerful market of young professional women.

Williams is the author of two bestselling books: Wildly Sophisticated: A Bold New Attitude for Career Success (2004) and Earn What You’re Worth (2005), published by Penguin Group Inc. Her latest book, Girl on Top, was recently purchased by Hachette Book Group and will be published in fall 2009.

In 2004 Williams co-created the hit career reality television series Making It Big. The show aired for two seasons on the Life Network in Canada and on the Oxygen Network in the United States. Currently, Williams is the Motivational Expert on Real Simple. Real Life, the 15 episode makeover series with TLC and Real Simple Magazine. (Watch Williams Friday nights, 7 p.m. Eastern.) What Works, a Supernanny meets The Office make-over reality show, is currently in development.

Williams is a frequent contributor to Elle, Self, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, The New York Post, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post and The Financial Times. She has also appeared as a regular contributor on ABC’s Primetime, Good Morning America, The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch, Fox News, and CNN. Williams is the “lifestyle for the working woman columnist” for MSN and is the executive editor of the popular WORKS e-newsletters Agenda, Living the Dream, Astro and Girl on Top (coming soon!).

Williams has also created event marketing programs and provided motivational speeches across the country for brand name companies including The Ford Motor Company, ClearChannel, Electronic Arts, Saks, BCBG MAX AZRIA, Banana Republic and pharmaceutical giant Barr Pharmaceuticals, Inc.


 

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Report Abuse   tcook23 07/19/2010 4:24:21 PM EDT I guess management can willing ignore policies and contract to help one person and abide by such to discipline others. Managements answer is they have the authority to do so.HR now agrees with them.My complaint now is with HR and its investigation tactics show concern to get information needed to help management out of trouble. My complaint never made it past the people directly involved in the wrong doings. los angeles plumbing Replies (0) Post a reply Sign in or Sign up to post a comment

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Report Abuse   hows58012 03/31/2010 7:50:31 AM EDT Management Bullies, learned they behavior at a young age, and need it corrected. Unfortunately no recourse exists unless a tort is committed while on the job. Most laws and board policy side with management, the truly progressive companies, that respect and correct supervisory bullying are truly 10 steps ahead of the competition. Replies (0) Post a reply Sign in or Sign up to post a comment

Report Abuse   boobear56 02/20/2010 9:53:46 AM EST I feel my dispute with my manament is being covered up.I filed a complaint with PBG ethics hotline.Had a meeting with my local HR explained my concerns angziety over it all.At this time my HR seemed concerned about everything.Later after I called her about getting a copy of my complaint I discovered the issue was resolved.At this time upset because I was never notfied of any resolution taken place.The resolution was a apology from my supervisor with no action taken to correct.Mind you that I had meetings throughout the week and each involved stated they were wrong for the decsions made one on one that is.I geuss managment can willing ignore policies and contract to help one person and abide by such to disapline others.Managments answer is they have the athority to do so.HR now agrees with them.My complaint now is with HR and its investigation tatics show concern to get information needed to help managment out of trouble. My complaint never made it past the poeple directly involved in the wrong doings.VERY CONVIENANT.I called NY they inturn told me to call the ethics line.Called the ethics line they said they do not send copies and to contact HR.What does my complaint say?Why is this process a run around?If I filed the complaint where is my copy?Why is managment not treating everyone eqaully?Why was a nonbias person not involved?I have a greivance hearing coming up Mar 5 2010 and I will bet it be the managment to decide the outcome of that also. boobear56@comcast.net 724-635-0044 feel free to cantact me Replies (0) Post a reply Sign in or Sign up to post a comment

Report Abuse   ericapinskyinc 02/19/2010 3:55:28 PM EST While a truly respectful workplace culture would eliminate the need to deal with this pervasive problem, I appreciate these great tips which would serve to support and empower employees dealing with this at work. Thanks Nicole. Replies (0) Post a reply Sign in or Sign up to post a comment